Double for the Lawyer!!

A man was walking along the beach when he found a bottle. When he rubbed it, a genie appeared.
"Master," the genie said, "Thank you for letting me out of my thousand year prison. For this, I will grant you three wishes. The catch is, that every lawyer will get twice what you get. After all, I am a lawyer’s genie"
The man thought about this for a minute or two. "For my first wish, I would like ten million tax-free dollars."
Instantly the genie gave him a Swiss bank account number and assured him that $10,000,000 had been deposited. "But every lawyer has just received $20,000,000," the genie said.
"For my second wish, I would love a big 50 room mansion to live in with my wife and children."
Instantly, the man was shown his 50 room mansion. "But every lawyer has just received two 50 room mansions," said the genie. "You are down to your last wish. Use it wisely," the genie said.
"Well, okay." The man said as he paused for a moment. "Yes! I’ve got it!," the man said.
"What?," said the genie.
"Scare me half to death."

Accountants and Lawyers

Three lawyers and three accountants got on the train in New York to go to a convention in DC. The three accountants bought a ticket each, but the three lawyers bought only one ticket between them. The accountants commented on the illegality of their action but the lawyers said, "Trust us -- we're lawyers."
When the conductor entered the end of the car to collect the tickets, the three lawyers got up and all went into the bathroom together. When the conductor knocked on the bathroom door, a hand shot out with the one ticket, which the conductor duly canceled.
On returning to their seats the three accountants expressed admiration for such a clever trick. "Well," they said modestly, "we ARE lawyers."
After the convention they all entered Union Station for the return trip home to New York. This time the accountants bought one ticket between them, while the lawyers did not buy any tickets at all. The accountants were amazed and said so. "Trust us," the three said. "We're lawyers."
When the conductor arrived, the three accountants quickly jumped up and went into the bathroom. As soon as the door closed, the three lawyers got up and headed for the adjoining bathroom. As the last lawyer went by the accountant's bathroom, he knocked on the door. A hand shot out with the ticket, which the lawyer quickly grabbed before entering the other bathroom.

A Rich Lawyer

A very rich lawyer is approached by the United Way. The man from the United Way is concerned that the lawyer made over a million dollars last year but didn't donate even a cent to a charity.
"First of all", says the lawyer, "my mother is sick and dying in the hospital, and it's not covered by healthcare. Second, I had five kids through three divorced marriages. Third, my sister's husband suddenly died and she has no one to support her four children..."
"I'm terribly sorry", says the United Way man, "I feel bad about asking for money."
The Lawyer responds, "Yeah, well if I'm not giving them any money, why should I give you any?"

Jury Duty

A man was chosen for jury duty who really wanted to be dismissed from serving. He tried every excuse he could think of but none of them worked.
On the day of the trial, he decided to give it one more shot. As the trial was about to begin, he asked if he could approach the bench.
"Your Honor," he said, "I must be excused from this trial because I am prejudiced against the defendant. I took one look at the man in the blue suit with those beady eyes and that dishonest face and I said 'He's a crook! He's guilty!' So, your Honor, I cannot possibly stay on this jury!"
With a tired annoyance the judge replied, "Get back in the jury box, you fool. That man is the defendant's lawyer."

A Lawyer Hit!

There was once a man who was as nice as could be, except he absolutely hated lawyers. Whenever he would see a lawyer on the side of a road, he would swerve his pick-up truck and run over him or her.
Then one day, he was driving down the freeway when he saw a priest next to his car, which had broken down. Being such a nice man, he pulled over and offered the preist a ride to the next gas station.
While he was driving, he saw a lawyer on the side of the road. He started to swerve over, when he realized there was a priest in his car. He thought he missed the lawyer, but he still heard a loud bang. Then he pulled over and confessed to the priest about his problem and said that's why he swerved the car.
He told the priest that he thought he missed the lawyer when the priest interrupted him and said, "That's okay, I hit him with my door!"

1 or 2?

Q: What's better than a dead lawyer lying in the road?
A: Two dead lawyers lying in the road!

3 partners

Three partners of a firm were attending a convention out of town. As the plane carried them to their destination, one of the partners gulped and told the second partner, "Oh my gosh, I forgot to lock the safe."
The third partner said, "There's nothing to worry about. All three of us are here!"

6 months...

A doctor told his patient that his test results indicated that she had a rare disease and had only six months to live.
"That's such a short amount of time, doctor. Isn't there anything I can do?" pleaded the patient.
"Marry a lawyer," the doctor advised. "It will be the longest six months of your life."