Said in court...

Question 1. Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement?

A: yes

Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?



Question 2. Q: Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather eleborate honeymoon, didnt you?

A: I went to Europe, Sir.

Q: And you took your new wife?



Question 3. Q: How was your first marriage terminated?

A: By death.

Q: And by whose death was it terminated?



Question 4. Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?

A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.



Question 5. Q: Can you describe the individual?

A: He was about medium height and had a beard.

Q: Was this a male or female?



Question 6. Q: Doctor how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?

A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.



Question 7. Q: All your responses must be oral, OK,? What school did you go to?

A: Oral



Question 8. Q: Do you recall the time you examined the body?

A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.

Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?

A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.



Question 9. Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?



Question 10. Q:Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?

A: No.

Q: Did you check for blood pressure? A: No. Q: Did you check for breathing?

A: No.

Q: So it was possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?

A: No.

Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor? A: Because his brains was sitting on my desk in a jar.

Q: But could the patien have still been alive nevertheless?

A: It is possible that he coulkd have been alive and practicing law somewhere.



Question 11. Q: How many times have you committed suicide?



Question 12. Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?

A: Yes.

Q: What were you doing at the time?



Question 13. Q: She had three children right?

A: Yes.

Q: How many were boys?

A: none.

Q: Were there any girls?

Dead!

A law firm receptionist answered the phone the morning after the firm's senior partner had passed away unexpectedly. "Is Mr. Smith there?", asked the client on the phone. "I'm very sorry," the receptionist answered, "but Mr. Smith passed away last night." "Is Mr. Smith there?", repeated the client. The receptionist was perplexed. "Perhaps you didn't understand me, I'm afraid Mr. Smith passed away last night." "Is Mr. Smith there?", the client again asked. "Ma'am, do you understand what I'm saying?", said the exasperated receptionist, "Mr. Smith is DEAD!" "Oh I understand you perfectly," said the client, "I just can't hear it often enough."

Dumb City Laws in Colorado

Alamosa
1. Throwing missles at cars is illegal.
2. Keeping a house where unmarried persons are allowed to have sex is prohibited.
3. To own a dog over three months of age, one must obtain a license.
4. Persons may not urinate in public.
Arvada
5. Establishments which sell alcohol must have enough lighting to read text inside them.
Aspen
6. Catapults may not be fired at buildings.
Boulder
7. It is legal to challenge a police officer, but only until he or she asks you to stop.
8. It is illegal to permit ones llama to graze on city property.
9. Boulders may not be rolled on city property.
10. Couches may not be placed on outside porches.
Colorado Springs
11. It is permissable to wear a holstered six-gun within city limits, except on Sunday, Election Day, or holidays.
Cripple Creek
12. It is illegal to bring your horse or pack mule above the ground floor of any building.
Denver
13. The dog catcher must notify dogs of impounding by posting, for three consecutive days, a notice on a tree in the city park and along a public road running through said park.

Emergency!

A lawyer phoned the governor's mansion shortly after midnight. "I need to talk to the governor, it's an emergency!" exclaimed the lawyer. After some cajoling, the governor's aide eventually agreed to wake him up. "So, what is it that's so important that it can't wait until morning?" grumbled the governor. "Judge Brown just died, and I want to take his place," pleaded the attorney. "Well, its Ok with me if its Ok with the mortuary," came the reply.

TT - Dumb Oregon Laws

Drivers must yield to pedestrians who are standing on the sidewalk.
one may not test their physical endurance while driving a car on a highway.
It is illegal to place a container filled with human fecal matter on the side of any highway.
Babies may not be carried on the running boards of a car.
Drivers may not pump their own gas.
A door on a car may not be left open longer than is necessary.
An adult may not show a minor any piece of classical artwork which depicts sexual excitement.
Dishes must drip dry.
The "Peer Review Statute" prohibits you from finding out details of any written or oral discussion about your medical treatment.
Ice cream may not be eaten on Sundays.
It is illegal to buy or sell marijuana, but it is legal to smoke it on your own property.
One may not bathe without wearing "suitable clothing," i.
Canned corn is not to be used as bait for fishing.

Upright Judge...

An attorney ran over to the office of his client. "I can't believe it!" said the angered attorney, "You sent a case of Dom Perignon to the judge in your case? That judge is as straight as an arrow. Now we're certain to lose this case!" "Relax," said the client, "I sent it in the prosecutor's name."