Thursday, November 8, 2007

TT

Q: How can you tell a lawyer is lying?
A: Other lawyers look interested.

Q: Why should lawyers wear lots of sunscreen when vacationing at a beach resort?
A: Because they�re used to doing all of their lying indoors.

Q: What happened to the banker who went to law school?
A: Now she�s a loan shark.

Q: Where do vampires learn to suck blood?
A: Law school.

Q: How do you define double jeopardy?
A: When a lawyer calls in her partner.

Q: What do you get when you cross a librarian with a lawyer?
A: All the information you need, but you can�t understand a word of it.

Q: What's worse than pleading guilty to murder?
A: Getting jail time and getting robbed--hiring an attorney to defend you.

Q: What do honest lawyers and UFOs have in common?
A: You always hear about them, but you never see them.

Q: What do you get if you put 100 lawyers in your basement?
A: A whine cellar.

Q: What do you call a lawyer gone bad?
A: Your honor.

Q: What do you call a judge gone bad?
A: Senator.

Q: Have you heard about the lawyers� word processor?
A: No matter what font you select, everything comes out in fine print.

Q: What's the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer?
A: A good lawyer knows the law. A great lawyer knows the judge.

Wednesday, November 7, 2007

Thursday, November 1, 2007

TT

Here are excerpts from a book by Steve Kluger called "Lawyers Say the Darndest Things," Ivy Books, June 1990. Mr. Kluger, a novelist and journalist, worked part-time for years in the word processing departments of some law firms in Southern California (reprinted from Empire State Court Notes Apr/May 1991):

Please notify us immediately if you do not receive this letter.

It appears that we will have a difficult time obtaining a defense verdict if this case is tried before a live jury.

We are refraining from providing you with copies of the medical records, which are enclosed.

Enclosed is our status report on this matter. Please be advised that this case is a mess.

Plaintiff states it is her belief that her neck injuries were caused by a jerk.

Please find enclosed copies of the plaintiff.

Plaintiff weighs 125 pounds with a driver's license.

The bus operator claims he ran over the plaintiff because he was behind schedule.

The court, in its discretion, is permitted to strike irrelevant, redundant and redundant matters.

Have you suffered a loss of smell in either ear?

He suffered a fracture to his left foreman.