TT - Dumb Tenessee Laws

You can't shoot any game other than whales from a moving automobile.
Hollow logs may not be sold.
More than 8 women may not live in the same house because that would constitute a brothel.
It is illegal to use a lasso to catch a fish.
"Crimes against nature" are prohibited.
Ministers are to be dedicated to God and therefore are not eligible to hold a seat in either House of the Legislature.
Any person who participates in a duel may not hold any public office in the state.
Stealing a horse is punishible by hanging.
No Christian parent may require their children to pick up trash from the highway on Easter day. Driving is not to be done while asleep.
It is legal to gather and consume roadkill.
The definition of "dumb animal" includes every living creature.
Tattooing a minor is a misdemeanor.

Happy Wordless Wednesday!

Calling or Thinking?

After his motion to surpress evidence was denied by the court the angered attorney spoke up, "Your Honor," he said, "what would you do if I called you a stupid, degenerate, old fool." The Judge, now also angered, revered, "I would hold you in contempt of court and seek to have you suspended from practicing before this court again!" "What if I only thought it?" asked the attorney. "In that case, there is nothing I could do, you have the right to think whatever you want." "Oh, I see. Then, if it pleases the court, let the record reflect, that I 'think' you're a stupid, degenerate, old fool."

TT - Dumb Alabama Laws

Bear wrestling matches are prohibited.
Incestuous marriages are legal.
It is illegal to impersonate a person of the clergy.
It is illegal to maim oneself to escape duty.
You may not drive barefooted.
Dominoes may not be played on Sunday.
It is illegal to wear a fake moustache that causes laughter in church.
Putting salt on a railroad track may be punishable by death.
Boogers may not be flicked into the wind.
It is legal to drive the wrong way down a one-way street if you have a lantern attached to the front of your automobile.
You must have windshield wipers on your car.
You may not have an ice cream cone in your back pocket at any time.
Masks may not be worn in public.

HAPPY THURSDAY THIRTEEN!! - Funny quotes on lawyers

There is no such thing as justice - in or out of court. - Clarence Darrow

There is no such thing as justice - in or out of court. - Clarence Darrow

I don't want to know what the law is, I want to know who the judge is. - Roy Cohn

To some lawyers all facts are created equal. Felix Frankfurter

In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take. - Adlai E. Stevenson

I never wanted to see anybody die, but there are a few obituary notices I have read with pleasure. - Clarence Darrow

We are more casual about qualifying the people we allow to act as advocates in the courtroom than we are about licensing electricians. - Warren E. Burger

I defended about one hundred forty people for murder in this country and I think in all of the cases I received just one Christmas card from all of these defendants. - Samuel Leibowitz

I have argued that lawyers should not engage in litigation tactics that frustrate or distort the search for truth, such as covering up a client's perjury. Lawyers often argue that it is impossible to maintain high ethical standards during a lawsuit. You may not want to play hardball, but if the other side does, you feel no choice but to respond in turn ..." - Law Professor Joseph G. Allegretti

The trial lawyer does what Socrates was executed for: making the worse argument appear the stronger. - Judge Irving Kaufman

It is lawyers who run our civilization for us - our governments, our businesses, our private lives... We cannot buy a home or rent an apartment, we cannot get married or try to get divorced, we cannot leave our property to our children without calling on the lawyers to guide us. To guide us, incidentally, through a maze of confusing gestures and formalities that lawyers have created... The legal trade, in short, is nothing but a high-class racket. - Fred Rodell, Professor of Law, Yale University

When will there be too many lawyers? Never. - Thomas E. Brennan, President, Thomas M. Cooley Law School

I get paid for seeing that my clients have every break the law allows. I have knowingly defended a number of guilty men. But the guilty never escape unscathed. My fees are sufficient punishment for anyone. - F. Lee Bailey

Billed Hours...

A prominent young attorney is on his way to court when he gets hit by a bus.
Suddenly he finds himself at the Pearly Gates facing St. Peter.
" This has to be a mistake!" exclaims the lawyer. " I'm much too young to die! I'm only 35!"
St. Peter replies, "Gee, that’s funny. Based on the number of hours you’ve billed to clients we thought you had to be at least 105."

TT - Q & A

What do you get when you cross a lawyer with a demon from hell?
No changes occur.

What's the difference between a bankrupt attorney and a pigeon?
The pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?

No? Good!

Have you heard about the lawyers’ word processor?

No matter what font you select, everything comes out in fine print.

How can you tell a lawyer is lying?

Other lawyers look interested.

How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?

Cut the rope.

If you drop a snake and an attorney off the Empire State Building, which one hits first?

Who cares?

Why have some cities outlawed lawyers from going to the beach?

Because the cats keep trying to bury them in the sand.

What do honest lawyers and UFOs have in common?

You always hear about them, but you never see them.

What do lawyers do after they die?

They lie still.

What do you have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?

Not enough sand.

What's black and brown and looks good on an attorney?

A doberman pinscher.

What's the definition of a lawyer?

A mouth with a life support system.