Tuesday, March 18, 2008
Thursday, March 13, 2008
What Lawyers say in court...
1. "Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?"
2. "The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?"
3. "Were you present when your picture was taken?"
4. "Were you alone or by yourself?"
5. "Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?"
6. "Did he kill you?"
7. "How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?"
8. "You were there until the time you left, is that true?"
9. "How many times have you committed suicide?"
10. Q: "So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?" A: "Yes." Q: "And what were you doing at that time?"
11. Q: "She had three children, right?"A: "Yes." Q: "How many were boys?" A: "None."Q: "Were there any girls?"
12. Q: "You say the stairs went down to the basement?" A: "Yes." Q: "And these stairs, did they go up also?"
13. Q: "Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you?" A: "I went to Europe, Sir." Q: "And you took your new wife?"
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Thursday, January 24, 2008
TT - What's the difference??
How can you tell the difference between a dead skunk and a dead attorney on the road?
The vultures aren't gagging over the skunk.
What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of pond scum?
The bucket.
What's the difference between a lawyer and a catfish?
One is a slimy, bottom dwelling, scum sucker. The other is a fish.
What's the difference between a lawyer and a terrorist?
You can negotiate with a terrorist.
What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?
You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.
What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?
Lawyers accumulate frequent flyer points.
What's the difference between an attorney and a pit bull?
Jewelry.
What's the difference between God and an attorney?
God doesn't think he's an attorney.
What's the difference between lawyers and buzzards?
Lawyers have removable wing tips.
The vultures aren't gagging over the skunk.
What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of pond scum?
The bucket.
What's the difference between a lawyer and a catfish?
One is a slimy, bottom dwelling, scum sucker. The other is a fish.
What's the difference between a lawyer and a terrorist?
You can negotiate with a terrorist.
What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?
You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.
What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?
Lawyers accumulate frequent flyer points.
What's the difference between an attorney and a pit bull?
Jewelry.
What's the difference between God and an attorney?
God doesn't think he's an attorney.
What's the difference between lawyers and buzzards?
Lawyers have removable wing tips.
What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?
There are skid marks in front of the dog.
Q: What's the difference between a law firm and a circus?
A: At a circus, the clowns don't charge the public by the hour.
Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?
A: Lawyers accumulate frequent flyer points.
Q: What's the difference between lawyers and buzzards?
A: Lawyers have removable wing tips.
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
Thursday, January 10, 2008
TT: Have you ever heard of the Stella Awards?
Ever since a jury ordered McDonald's to pay more than $2M damages to 81-year-old Stella Liebeeck after she spilt coffee and scalded herself, the annual "Stella" Award has been granted to the person who successfully brings the most ridiculous lawsuit in the US. There are already plenty to choose from this year.
Carl Truman of Los Angeles won $74,000 and medical expenses from a neighbor who drove his car over Truman's hand. Truman was lying on the ground, out of sight, stealing the hubcaps.
Burglar Terrence Dickson from Pennsylvania lived for eight days on Pepsi and dry dog biscuits after a faulty electric door trapped him in the garage of the home he had just robbed. The homeowner was ordered to pay $500,000 for Dickson's mental anguish.
Jerry Williams of Little Rock, Arkansas was awarded $14,500 after being bitten by a beagle chained in its owner's yard. Williams had climbed into the yard and was shooting the beagle with a pellet gun.
A Philadelphia restaurant had to pay $113,500 to Amber Carson after she injured herself by slipping on a can she had thrown on the floor during an argument with her boyfriend.
Kara Walton of Delaware won $12,000 and dental expenses from a nightclub after falling from a bathroom window. The accident happened as she was trying to climb through the window to avoid paying the $3.50 entrance fee.
Carl Truman of Los Angeles won $74,000 and medical expenses from a neighbor who drove his car over Truman's hand. Truman was lying on the ground, out of sight, stealing the hubcaps.
Burglar Terrence Dickson from Pennsylvania lived for eight days on Pepsi and dry dog biscuits after a faulty electric door trapped him in the garage of the home he had just robbed. The homeowner was ordered to pay $500,000 for Dickson's mental anguish.
Jerry Williams of Little Rock, Arkansas was awarded $14,500 after being bitten by a beagle chained in its owner's yard. Williams had climbed into the yard and was shooting the beagle with a pellet gun.
A Philadelphia restaurant had to pay $113,500 to Amber Carson after she injured herself by slipping on a can she had thrown on the floor during an argument with her boyfriend.
Kara Walton of Delaware won $12,000 and dental expenses from a nightclub after falling from a bathroom window. The accident happened as she was trying to climb through the window to avoid paying the $3.50 entrance fee.
Wednesday, January 9, 2008
Wednesday, January 2, 2008
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